If you are seeing this message, switch off, take a breath, run for the nearest window, jam it open, stick your head out, and get a whiff of reality. Listen to a bird or two and the wind. Note the color of the sky and the temperature of the air. Now remember that today is April Fools Day, and all of this is a joke. You are at work and you can't open the window because that's disruptive, or the windows don't open. Why the hell doesn't your place of business have windows that open? Why can't you take a moment to bird watch in the middle of an important meeting? "Hold the hell on!" you might shout. "Let's just take a minute to watch the goddamn birds." Shouldn't there be a time for this? If not during an important meeting, then when? Better not to dwell on it. Take out your phone. Scan your social media accounts. Anything going on? Here, a funny prank. Here, a lame prank. Here, a stagnating website. White screen, black text. Information. Endless information, oh god. Where is the nearest window, anyway? How far? My windows have plastic over them to seal out winter. It is April Fools Day and it is finally getting warm out, but it might be colder tomorrow, so better not to pull the plastic off. I rarely check the forecast. Just a joke in Central New York. Ha-ha, the sky is gray. Ha-ha, mounds of snow block every corner. I still need to get chairs for the balcony. It overlooks a beautiful parking lot. At least we have a balcony. Why are chairs so expensive? Plastic and fabric. Really? 25 dollars for plastic and fabric? 60 dollars? What? John Green is not writing a sequel to The Fault in Our Stars, dumbass. Stop taking everything so seriously. Who cares if you can afford your rent? Rent is sort of serious, I guess. You paid it yesterday. Forget about it. Today is April Fools Day. Be fooled. Fool someone. Fool yourself. If you are seeing this message, you are probably not in an important meeting. You can find a window that opens.